Thursday, October 22, 2009
Sometimes i really thought that I'm like some depressed child..
With low confidence, always thinking that im useless, thinking that no one loves me..
Sometimes i really hate myself. Whatever i do is wrong. My parents don't talk to me.
I brought a pet rabbit to accompany me at home. Unfortunately, it doesn't play with me
even though how much i tried to play with it. In fact he treated me as some sex toy, trying
to fuck my legs. It's adorable somehow but also irritating sometimes. Life can never be
complete. I wish that someone will shower love for me, especially my parents. But i don't
feel it..
Today is our anniversary. We had science pratical today. I thought that we could spend
our happy times at the fish spa where we went last few days. However, when i received
his call, he's totally not into mood. I didn't know what to do so i wished him happy
anniversary. His reply to me was with no expressions as though it's normal to go through
an anniversary day. I told him what i am doing on the computer and he concluded that
i was "carrying balls" in helix forum. Now in his messenger nick, it reads "Damn i made a
big mistake for science practical!!! and i hate bootlickers!" That bootlicker whom he's
referring to, is me. He will never know how much he'd hurt me. It's just a game, a forum,
an internet website.. Why do you have to do this to me ? Why is everything my fault ?
What have i done wrong by reading in the forum ?
bootlicker / carrying balls = trying to be close to someone else by any means.
I should always be alone. Talking to myself, playing with myself. I don't want to create
any more troubles. Exams are around the corner.. I couldn't imagine myself going through
all these accusations. I don't wish to fail my exams. Everything is a distraction. I'm tired
of shedding tears.
I feel like locking myself up.. Life is such a misery. I'm feeling lost. How i wish that I'm
18 now. I would like to be drunk right now.
I smiled while looking at your photos. After seconds, tears flow down without a reason.
Why ?
6.39PM ¶ 6:15 PM
With low confidence, always thinking that im useless, thinking that no one loves me..
Sometimes i really hate myself. Whatever i do is wrong. My parents don't talk to me.
I brought a pet rabbit to accompany me at home. Unfortunately, it doesn't play with me
even though how much i tried to play with it. In fact he treated me as some sex toy, trying
to fuck my legs. It's adorable somehow but also irritating sometimes. Life can never be
complete. I wish that someone will shower love for me, especially my parents. But i don't
feel it..
Today is our anniversary. We had science pratical today. I thought that we could spend
our happy times at the fish spa where we went last few days. However, when i received
his call, he's totally not into mood. I didn't know what to do so i wished him happy
anniversary. His reply to me was with no expressions as though it's normal to go through
an anniversary day. I told him what i am doing on the computer and he concluded that
i was "carrying balls" in helix forum. Now in his messenger nick, it reads "Damn i made a
big mistake for science practical!!! and i hate bootlickers!" That bootlicker whom he's
referring to, is me. He will never know how much he'd hurt me. It's just a game, a forum,
an internet website.. Why do you have to do this to me ? Why is everything my fault ?
What have i done wrong by reading in the forum ?
bootlicker / carrying balls = trying to be close to someone else by any means.
I should always be alone. Talking to myself, playing with myself. I don't want to create
any more troubles. Exams are around the corner.. I couldn't imagine myself going through
all these accusations. I don't wish to fail my exams. Everything is a distraction. I'm tired
of shedding tears.
I feel like locking myself up.. Life is such a misery. I'm feeling lost. How i wish that I'm
18 now. I would like to be drunk right now.
I smiled while looking at your photos. After seconds, tears flow down without a reason.
Why ?
6.39PM ¶ 6:15 PM
